'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
