I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
