Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
