i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
