New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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