I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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