Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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