when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I will be naked everywhere
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
