she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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