Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
