My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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