if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
