She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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