the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
