i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
