you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize