She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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