Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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