why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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