I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
