just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
