the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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