it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize