I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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