i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need to calm my uterus...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
