so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
