Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
