i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
