if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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