Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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