does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize