Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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