He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
