i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
