I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
