I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize