I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
