I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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