"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
