ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
