why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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