Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
