That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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