we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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