I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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