She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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