Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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