dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
