Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
