he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
