No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
