Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize