He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
