She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
how drunk are you?
Several
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
