I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
