My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
