what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
