Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
