Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
