she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Buhtt sex?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
