You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
