You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize