If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
