My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
