there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
