He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
