Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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