im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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