Do you still have your period?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
