babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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