I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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