saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
