the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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