you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
