OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
