the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
