if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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