My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
